I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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