I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
