I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
