Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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