You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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