there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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