either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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