You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
