Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
