I heard we made out
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
