The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
