I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
