i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
