i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
