I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
