Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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