Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
