she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
