you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
