woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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