can we get nightvision for the apartment?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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