We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
