Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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