I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
