I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
