You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
What drink are we having for lunch?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
