grandma shit on top of the toilet
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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