Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
