Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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