i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
