on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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