I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
