Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
