when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
