fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
