i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
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Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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