6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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