the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
