I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
