haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
we're chasing vodka with high fives
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
