Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
