every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
