at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
