Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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