I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
