no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Randomize
