You're completely useless in the revolution.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
