i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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