We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
