are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
