I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
