to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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