What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
