Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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