The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
