Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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