There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
