Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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