Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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