bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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