I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
