is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
