I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
