I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
