Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
