You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
