It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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