The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
