Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
