he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
