Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
