On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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