Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
