'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
